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Trusting Life

I remember walking into work one Monday morning, while I was in my twenties, when a fellow co-worker greeted me saying, “Only four more days until Friday.”  That statement slapped me in the face as I realized I agreed with him.  I didn’t know it at the time, but these words would later be a driving factor for me, a measure against how I would choose to do or not do anything I deemed important.

At the time, I thought I was making the most of my career and building a life for myself. But I was a hot mess.  I worked all the time (60-80 hours/week), leaving little room for family and friends, much less myself…although this allowed me to live in denial for quite some time.  And the little bit of honesty that would creep in, I drowned with alcohol. 

But when the alcohol started catching up with my waistline, I began adding into my daily routine at-home workout videos that included Yoga and Pilates.  And then something started happening, something foreign to me at the time.  I started feeling.  That ‘Breath of Fire’ can really catch up to you…I discovered I had Fire in my Belly!

I had previously drowned out my feelings because I didn’t want to realize how unhappy or how afraid of life I was.  I didn’t want to feel bad.  But these feelings were different.  I felt alive.  And, more importantly, I wanted to BE alive.  The more attention I gave to my feelings, the more I was rewarded with a Desire for Life and Courage to make changes that would allow me to experience life more fully.

“Leave no stone unturned.” ~ Euripides

I found a job with more reasonable time requirements (40 hours/week!) and I reconnected with friends I had not seen in years.  Reestablishing these relationships nurtured my Heart, which had been neglected.  I am grateful my emotions did not come all at once, as that would have been overwhelming.  I appreciate my Heart easing into the flow of Life.  The more I felt, the more I wanted to feel.  The more I explored, the more I wanted to discover.

And the more I began embracing my new definition of Life, the more it became apparent to me that I was not living my life’s true path.  I had a hard time reconciling this.  What was wrong with me? I had an awesome career!  I was a sought-after expert in my field.  And I was well-paid, which allowed me to buy anything I needed to forget I wasn’t ecstatic about my job: shoes, vacations, clothes… But every Monday morning that I walked into the office, I could still hear, “Only four more days until Friday.”  When I did not hear this in my own head, someone would politely say it out loud, reminding me.

During this time, BodyTalk ‘found’ me.  I say that because I was not seeking BodyTalk.  I had never heard of it.  But when I came in contact with it, something within me woke up from a very long sleep.  I made the decision to study BodyTalk and after taking my first class, I could not Certify as a Practitioner fast enough!  I did not crawl or walk. I RAN!  And when I was ready to begin a Reiki path, my Teacher showed up with open arms.  And my path as a Healer continued, winding its way down a beautiful, chaotic journey.  It was not long before I started to feel that the duality of my career could not remain on the same path.  At some point, I might have to choose between them.

With this realization, I began to experience a lot of fear.  What if I can’t support myself?  Can you actually make enough money doing something fun?  Doing something you love?  All my life, I’ve been told work is hard – and you have to work hard to be successful!  That tape still plays on…I’ve just learned how to play a different tape.  A LOUDER tape.   Work doesn’t have to be hard to be meaningful.  Success does not have to require your blood.  Passion and Drive?  Yes.  Enthusiasm?  Yes.  But, work should not suck the life out of you.  It is meant to be rewarding.

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.  So what.  Get started now.  With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more confident and more and more successful.”  ~ Mark Victor Hansen

I imagined cutting back my hours while I continued to build my business:  “If I only had an additional day to dedicate to my practice...”  I had been speaking this dream for about a year when I made the decision to part ways with my current position.  Little did I know that when I got up my courage to take ‘the plunge,’ I would be offered to continue working in my current job, but with fewer hours.  Oh, I like this dream!  This meant I would still be able to do work I already knew I was capable of doing in a less demanding capacity and have steady income while I developed the skills necessary to grow my business as a healer.  Huh.  Who knew that when you put your Trust in God (Gaia/the Universe/Source/Spirit), the best possible outcome would come into being?

In the midst of learning to Trust Life, I found another transition taking place within me.  My focus has been to do and to give and, ultimately, to BE.  All around us, there are messages to live life Right NOW!  But with so many bucket lists and demands to ‘seize the day,’ the direction from Life is not to DO enough or to GIVE enough, although doing and giving are part of living.  But in the balance of Life, we must ask ourselves, “Did I TAKE enough?”  Am I recognizing and taking advantage of all of the experiences that Life is so graciously offering to me?

What is Life GIVING you that you have not allowed yourself to receive?  In allowing yourself to receive – to TAKE – you will then be able to do and give and be more of who you are while allowing your relationship with Life – the give AND take of it - to grow.   Just as you cannot give what you do not have, you cannot live a life you have not dreamed.  If your only dream is to get to Friday, then living for the weekend will be the only dream you will ever know.  Why not dream a life where every day demands your enthusiasm, where every day is worth living?

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.”  
~ Henry David Thoreau


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